English Funny Jokes

Funny English Joke: The Ugliest BabyA woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver

says, “Ugh! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.The woman stalks off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says,

“The driver just insulted me!The man says, “You go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you.Funny English Joke: Before the problems startA man walks into a bar and says,

 “Give me a beer before the problems start!He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, “Give me a beer before the problems start! The bartender looks confused but gives him another beer.This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, “When are you going to pay for these beers?The man answers, “Now the problems start!

Funny English Joke:  Twins

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal.

The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan’. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, ”But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.

Couple in a Restaurant – English Joke

Husband and wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant…

As the food was served, Husband said:“The Food looks delicious, let’s eat.”Wife: Honey.. You say prayer before eating at home.Husband: That’s at home sweetheart… Here the chef knows how to cook.

Wife wants to relax today!

Wife:Today, I want to relax,so I have brought three movie tickets.Husband: why three tickets?

Wife: you and your parents. Two men are discussing their lives. One says, “I’m getting married. I’m sick of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear.” The other one says, “Hey, I’m getting divorced for the same reasons.Accidents outside work place

Employee: Boss, I’ve got married. Can I get a pay rise

Boss: We do not compensate for the accidents that happen outside of the work place.

English Joke: Wife WantedA man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.” Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”

The Perfect Son.A: I have the perfect son.

B: Does he smoke?A: No, he doesn’t.

B: Does he drink whiskey?A: No, he doesn’t.

B: Does he ever come home late?A: No, he doesn’t.B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.Boy: What are the two things?

Girl: Your feet.A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, “Bow-wow!” The cat ran away. “What was that, Father?” asked Baby Mouse. “Well, son, that’s why it’s important to learn a second language.

My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.

So I asked him “What was the name of his other leg?